Monday, March 29, 2010

FB deactivation

Main Role
1. Me
2. N

Watak Konda -Kondi
1. B - Sidekick 1
2. C - Sidekick 2
3. D- N's love fantasy
4. E - my childhood friend

Background History:
N presented with acute on chronic un-reciprocal love-relationship with D. She already gone through the 5-stages of Bereavement multiple times but all attempts ends up to relapse stage.

Precipitant:
For the xxth time D told N that they will never end up together.

PMHx: nil. Not on any Rx from healthcare proffessional.
Meds: nil regular + NKDA
Social Hx: nil smoking+ETOH+drugs. IADL

HOPC:

Stage 1:-
For the latest 5 stages of bereavement, N was very active update her feeling via FB & Twitter. The content was all around the relationship and childish feeling with helpless and hopeless theme.The Twitter was more severe than FB.

I have a chat with D telling him that I almost give up to support her after I noticed that she didn't take any advice. (Masuk telinga kanan, keluar telinga kiri!)
D told me to hang on there and make N realize that

Sesungguhnya Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum, sebelum kaum itu berjuang keras untuk mengubah nasibnya sendiri” (Surah ar-Raad :11)

Since my 9-weeks psychiatric rotation haven't prepared me so-well to face the real word, I decide to Block N TEMPORARILY in Twitter. I just need space to breath in and breath out. After a long hour of working in hospital, reading a melancholic twit doesn't rejuvenate my soul after all. Imagine, if this become a routine?

Stage 2:-
N realised that I blocked her in Twitter. N make a report to E. N did send me an e-mail through FB. I explained to N that its not her fault. IT'S JUST ME! I need time and space for keeping me ventilate.

After a short-while, as E was concern about the situation, E and me have a chat. It ends up that E also have the same opinion as me. Since E and me knew N pretty well than others, E decide to have a word with N. This in intention to protect N. Both of us afraid that otherS will also getting annoyed with N actions.

Result: N decide to deactivate her FB's account and make her blog private. [ I respect her decision]

Stage 3:-
A few of N's sidekicks realised that N haven't been on FB and notice that she closed her FB account.

I assume B was kind and asked N. B came out with a shout out some sort of this on B's status

" Bukankan status FB adalah apa yang ada dalam fikiran kita. Kalo rasa annoyed x yahlah baca..yadda yadda"
p/s: x sempat copy sonce B delete the post!

Being a naive, I commented on the status without realising that it was intended for me!
I have this principle, FB is like a public place, so you just update your status once or twice a day. If you think you like to update every 10 minutes such as
Morning peep!
After 10 minutes
Nak mandi la...
After 10 minutes
Ni kalo pekena nasi lemak untuk breakfast best ni. What say u?
so on and so on...

Better buat kt Twitter la...its people decide to follow whats on your mind after all...

To make this story more dramaic...D also commented on the status.


adalah hak anda untuk menyatakan pendirian anda,juga adalah hak orang lain untuk menyatakan pendirian mereka. kesemua pihak perlu di ambil kira bila perkara umum adalah perkaranya.
bila satu ruang di kongsi bersama (maknanya ramai pihak guna), anda tidak lah boleh buat ikut suka..nnti ada pihak akan terasa. atau pesanan ringkas saya,tinggalah di dalam gua..di situ tiada sesiapa pun nk kata..
maka di sini lah letaknya peranan aqal saudari saudara.bukan hanya peranan rasa semata mata..fikir sebelum berkata kata..maka tak salah la ungkapan mereka yng lama lama..terlajak perahu boleh di undur,terlajak kata buruk padahnya..berapa ramai makhluk manusia ke neraka, bukan kerana murtad atau apa,tp hanya kerana ingin cakap apa mereka rasa..jk tersa akan kata2 saya,ubah la seadanya..sekian ceramah dr saya..jk ada masa,silalah ikuti lg di lain ketika..heheh..peace no war!!! =p"


E started to get annoyed bila sidekick lelebih dari empunya badan. I opt untuk diam je after that even my liver start to get cirrhosis...


Stage 4:
Next, C plak buat this shout out on the day I want to say Hello to N!

boleh xaku nak mrh for those yg kononnye mgelar kononnye mgelar diri sorg 'kawan' pastu xde pun ble kwn memerlukan?isaid this on behalf of my sis.she never asked tp aku xbleh tima sbb aku sbgai adik pun xwat mcmtu.dia da delete akaun fb.puas hati?????????????????

Reading this shout, I can have STROKE in the liver. A lot of PENUMBRA area ok!

Myself:


I'm sinking down..almost DROWNING! Worst than the incidence of my broke-up.
When the least unexpected persons draw a conclusion that I'm a bad person as a friend..and shout it loudly via FB....its like a DEATH SENTENCE!
They didn't know the whole story from both side , just pop-up out of nowhere and decide to become MARTYR out of blue.
I opt to remain SILENCE to the utmost as far as I could.

Since my emotional override my rational, I opt to deactivate my FB. This to avoid thus prevent myself becoming a monster of all kind of BITCH.

Does this people realised that I do make an INTERNATIONAL CALL at 4.00 am (MORNING) when N had a crisis? Which i'm supposed to sleep to be able to do 7.00 am WARD ROUND!!!

Does this people knew that I keep my friends in my du'a after prayer?
I got a paragraph dedicated for my friends...

those who will sit for an exam
those yg mencari job
those yg mencari jodoh
those yg getting pregnant
those yg x lama lagi akan melahirkan baby
yadda yadda
I pray that Allah will ease everything!

Nevertheless, they are a just a sample of population..a small proportion I perhaps! So, this is just insignificant result.
And here, I still believe that there are gazillions of gorgeous and beautiful peoples on this earth...
Holla holla handsome and pretty people!
Keep on moving babe...


p/s: Thank you to www.tableeight.com.au that make me SANE eventhough for a while...


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Professor!!!



I have already got a WORD from PROF!!!
Alhamdulillah
One step ahead!
Have to search how to take the second step...
Biiznillah...
Gotcha!

Friday, February 5, 2010

Back for GOOD?

Pelajar tajaan kerajaan di luar negara tidak lagi dibenarkan menangguhkan kepulangan ke tanah air.

To be honest, I plan to work in here for several years
Seeking to opportunity to continue my learning
Definitely I will come back to Malaysia to serve for the community

There are only two hospitals that I'm looking forward to do my internship,
If not
I will migrate to the other state
NOT United States OBVIOUSLY

At this time, seriously I haventdone my venupuncture and night shift
Only cannulation
Im in MED TEAM C
[Holmes, Harris, Cooney]
Harris will be on holiday for the next couple of weeks
To the beach
He still remember me on my first day!
SUKA...Memang saya suka dia..suka usha cufflink dia..
Dia cakap laju dan panjang dalam satu nafas..
The other meddies kids wonder bilalah dia bernafas
I just can laugh!

Chris Holmes also remember me!
He pat on my back when I'm in front of the computer
in the middle of discharge summary
"Its not a ROCKET SCIENCE"
Tuh trademerk dia...
mmg dia boleh cakap mcm tuh sebab dia PROFFESSOR
Aku ni???

Cooney too!
Yang ni kelakar...memang masa his week things mmg busy..
byk MET CALL (Medical Emergency Team)
untuk our patients!
He realize me when he did physical examination on patient
"Aishah, you're back! How are you?"
(Lemah jantungku..dahle dia ni muka manis, tinggi)
I laugh everytime we did ward round in dialysis unit,
he will be on weighing machine!
OCD?
Nah, dia mmg training untuk Marathon...
even choc, cake , TIM TAM and all the 'SINFUL' food we brought during tutorial..
As far as i remember dia x makan!

Masa Outpatient Renal Clinic
Ha..aku nak main ngelat..sebab takut..
so cakap kat HOLMES, nak duduk ngan dia..
I think at least bleh get overview bila dah duduk sesorang ngan patient dulu kan
dia cakap "You're not. You're seeing patient"
Jatuh jantung aku OK!
Nasib baik Kirran and Darren,
My intern
give tips..SURVIVE
Nasib baik dpt patientg senang..
yg dtg untuk review every 3/12
Clinic habis lambat
I have to skip my REFLECTIVE TUTE
for the WELCOME DINNER

Masa kat welcome dinner,
Ingatkan HOLMES x datg..maybe patient x habis
tetiba dia muncul
nampak sgt la..aku cabut awal
tapi Cooney tahu aku balik awal pun
Holmes cakap
"You have done a greta job today"
Seperti biasa la..aku sengih mcm kerang busuk
Anyway, Aku x pernah percaya pun kalo org puji aku"
Tapi kalo dia maksudkan bebtul
Bleh mintak dia jadi referee aku untuk kerja nanti
Will be back to continue..

Today will be the last day with my registrar..
sedih
Sebab dia baik dan penyayang
After habis registrar ward round/consultant ward round
dia belanja Mocha
EVERYDAY ok!
sampai malu aku dibuatnya...
pernah intern tgh sibuk
Im the one yg kena buat note on patient file...drugs chart..observation chart..pathology script & medical imaging
mana la ada experience..
Masa 3rd year aku memain ngan my CRIME PARTNERS
kalo Harris WR mmg la..Managemnet plan dia cakap laju mcm rocket
dia aa banyak tolong

pastu back to ward, discuss To-Do-list
then dia suruh pergi Lunch
I use this time to perform my Zuhur prayer at the Clinical School
PAULINE already knew that I need a room..
x payah nak expain pasal aku nak bilik tutorial sesorang for 20 minutes
then masuk ward balik..

Will be back!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

OMG

OMG
Ok, lepas ni akan berusaha tidak mahu menyebut OMG lagi...!!!
TAKUT!
Walaupun sudah menjadi kebiasaan, tapi kena juga buang juga perkataan ini dalam kamus kehidupan


ok, 1st day hospital..FINE..
Im in MED TEAM C
Habis intern education session..my intern gave a hint that I can go home..
Mata memang mengantuk..
tersenggut senggut dengar tute
Bagai disorongkan bantal je lah kan
He just have to do discharge summary..so oklah
BALIK..TIDUR..
Saya rasa saya kurang STAMINA..cepat penat masa ward round..
jalan kena cepat-cepat mcm Charlie Chaplin..
Dari medical ward, turun surgical war, pergi Emergency..
naik semula surgical..pastu ke medical...
nasib baik Consultant Dr Greg Harris
saya memang admire dia!

Hospital pulak bertambah strict
Since ada case MRSA & VRE
Policy mmg kena pakai casual..
x perlu formal,
Neck tie mmg doctor disini x pakai..
Consultant je pakai..yerlah..kerja apelah yg diorg buat
Lengan baju kena atas siku,
no bangle, no rings
senang kata no accesories for lady
and no wrist watch
INFECTION TRANSMISSION AGENT

ok, minggu ni kena berazam kena belajar semula admit patient
practise venupuncture & cannulation
then kena rajin buat discharge summary
dan untuk pertama kali dalam sejarah nak buat shift malam!


Saya memang suka kehidupan di BENDIGO
Simple!
I want to be an intern in here..
Insyaallah
If ALLAH will
Now, I need to get back to the cycle
Mujahadah sedikit
Qiam-Hospital-Work out-Dinner-Bath-Study-Sleep

Saya RINDU everyone!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Monday, December 21, 2009

Detective Conan

A phone call
from a detective Conan
NERVOUS
+
Contemplating
of a new beginning
of a new journey


is this what i really want?
is this is the best for me?

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Dua



How i wish that i have not been given any choices
How i wish that i knew it
But my sixth sense doesn't allow me

Saturday, November 21, 2009

VIA


Arrghhh
Tensenye ngan VIA ni..
semua benda jadi x tenang
solat pun x tenang
buat yg basic jer
bila solat pun fikiran bleh pikir lain..
nampak sangat hati dah jauh dari Tuhan
apelah hamba Tuhan sorang ni
makan pun ntah pape..
dah malas nak masak
rindu makanan mak
tido pun dah x lena..
mimpi yang bukan2..
banyak perasaan yang dipendam
ya saya tahu saya cepat terasa hati
so semua benda
masuk jadi mimpi ngeri..
x tahu nak baca ape..baca buku EMQ
teringat anatomy x baca lagi
baca anatyomy ingat physiology x baca
pastu buat clinical test
physiology plak x baca..
pharmacology
psychiatry!!!
craig hassed
murtagh
ken jones!
arghhhhhh
charger handphone plak rosak!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

OSCE : Apa yang masih ku ingat

1. Station 14 - Newborn examination.
Im pretty competent doing this examination because i practice this almost everyday in the nursery. But, DANG,Forgot to wash hand !

2. Station 15
Sterilization. She want to do tubal ligation...seriously i need to improve my communication skills..

3. Station 16 - Reading

3. Station 1 - Asthma Planning chart
I'm expecting emergency asthma. Not explaining to the parents how to use the ventolin...oh how i had to explain stuff to parents!

4. station 2 - Burn
Hahaha..never study emergency treatment for burn with all the chart and pictures..so mmg totally goreng

5. Station 3 - Breastfeeding
Huh..paling x suka punya station..apa barang doktor kena terang pasal breastfeeding. Ni semua kerja Lactation Consultant! Ni smeua kerja Australia Breatfeeding Association la ni..duk promote breastfeeding smapai restaurant pun kena breastfeeding friendly..tapi x yah aa masuk dlm OSCE

6. Station 4 - Reading kot

7. Station 5 - Undescended testes
Yes, akhirnya kuar gak surgical peads..taking history, investigation and explain manegemnet to parents lagai. i thought this surgical peadiatric would be hernia, pyloric stenosis or malrotation with valvulus or Hirchprung disease..Aku nampak examiner tuh kasi aku CLEAR PASS..Alhamdulillah

6. Station 6 - Meningitis
Explain to parents managemnet or meningitis. Hampeh..x ingat aku jawab viral or bacteria meningitis..sbb dah gugup..

7. Station 7 - Development Delay
I just simply hate Denver chat. Dahle bagi situation panjang dlm paragraphy ape yg budak tuh bleh buat in term of Personal development, Fine Motor Development, Gross motor development and speech and language. Pastu during neuro exam..ada ytg x betul..ish..nak bakor je kertas tuh..
Yg aku ingat aku letak je differential diagnosis aku Austism spectrum disorder, Hearing Problem, Behavioral Problem yadda yadda


8. Station 8 - Reading

9. Station 9 - Sexual transmitted disease
I got Chlamydia. Forgot to inform that im responsibble to report the infectious department and treat the partner.. Habislah mamat tuh ada infertility problem in the future!

10. Station 10 - Termination of pregnancy
Seperty biasa taking history, investigation and managemnet

11. Station 11 -

12. Station 12 - Reading


13 Station 13 -PCOS
Dang! Ingtakan kena explain management PCOS kat makcik tuh..punyalah rush...habis masa aku..menyesal x amik history betul and investigation..Examiner tuh kata investigation aku x lengkap..dpt 5/7

Sunday, November 1, 2009

My Only Wish


All your armies, all your fighters

All your tanks, and all your soldiers
Against a boy holding a stone
Standing there all alone


In his eyes I see the sun

In his smile I see the moon
And I wonder, I only wonder
Who is weak, and who is strong?
Who is right, and who is wrong?
And I wish, I only wish
That the truth has a tongue